Unknown Desires

Sub-Genres: Romantic

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Jeff King lie on his bed staring at the ceiling. His mind was foggy and he was trying to make sure it stayed that way. A half-empty bottle of whisky stood on his bedside table and his radio was blaring 80’s punk rock music loudly. He knew his father was probably downstairs scowling at the ceiling, but he didn’t care. He just didn’t want to think

But the alcohol and music weren’t working. That damned brain of his – the one that had given him a full scholarship to his first choice of University – would not be still. It was ringing with the words his roommate had uttered just before he stepped out of their dorm room for winter break.

Last semester had been very rough on Jeff. It was his second year in college and although his grades were fine and engineering firms who wanted to hire him when he graduated were already contacting him, he had had a miserable few months. His long-time girlfriend, Rosaline, had broken up with him after the last football game of the season. They had been in her dorm room, cuddling in post-coital bliss when she informed him that she was going home. She hated college and would rather work at the local department store in their hometown than continue her studies in biology. He had told her they could make that work, but she said that she didn’t want to hold him back and that the distance would come between them.

A week after she left school Jeff had found out she had married Ralph Blankenship, his best friend from high school. Ralph had not continued on to college but opted to take over his father’s auto garage instead. He and Rosaline had been secretly dating for more than six months.

Jeff fell into a deep depression as a result but instead of becoming lethargic and apathetic, he became a workaholic, rarely sleeping and never socializing. He buried himself in his studies and estranged almost every relationship that he had.

The only person who hadn’t blown up at him over his behavior was his roommate, Franklin Patterson. Franklin was the most patient person Jeff knew and had said nothing about Jeff’s new work patterns, even though Jeff knew he had kept Franklin awake many a night with his desk lamp and clacking of laptop keys. A month after Rosaline left, Franklin was the only one of Jeff’s friends that was still speaking to him.

Two weeks before winter break, Jeff had finally cracked. Franklin had found him lying on the floor on his back, spread-eagle. Franklin had quickly knelt and slapped Jeff’s face, obviously afraid Jeff was dead. However, Jeff just opened his bloodshot eyes and said, “She’s gone, man. She’s gone and she’s really not coming back.”

Jeff had let Franklin hold him as he cried, cursed, and yelled. Jeff had even pounded the floor with his fist.

After 30 minutes of ranting Jeff finally fell silent, still gasping, but no longer weeping. Franklin lifted his head and smiled at him and said, “Are you okay now?”

“I – I think so. I’m sorry, man. I know this is ridiculous.”

“You loved her. Being ridiculous is part of the deal.” Jeff laughed and it was then that he noticed that Franklin was practically lying on top of him and was stroking his hair.

“Um, I should probably get up now and knock off the hysterics.”

Franklin was silent for a moment, but then pushed himself up, looking awkward. Jeff stood and went into the bathroom, glancing back. Franklin’s face was blazing red and he was trying hard not to let Jeff see him as he turned to his own desk.

Over the next two weeks, Jeff slowly returned to normal. His friends began speaking to him again, cautiously at first. Jeff, who was miffed that they had abandoned him even while he understood why, continued to spend most of his time with Franklin. He knew he could trust him and that it would take a lot for Franklin to turn on a friend. Jeff found that loyalty and honesty meant even more to him now than it had before.

Franklin had left for winter break an hour before Jeff had. When he finished packing, he went to the door and placed his hand on the doorknob. After a moment’s hesitation, he turned back around to face Jeff.

“There’s something I want to say before I leave,” Franklin said. Jeff looked up from his own suitcase hearing the strange tone in Franklin’s voice.

“Sure. What is it?”

“I’m attracted to you.” He said it in a rush and it came out as one mumbled word.

“I’m sorry, what?”

He took a deep breath then said, slowly and succinctly, “I’m attracted to you.”

Jeff paused. “I didn’t know you’re gay.”

“I didn’t either,” he said and his face was turning bright red once again. “But…I’m attracted to you anyway.”

“I don’t know what to say, Franklin.”

“You don’t have to say anything. Not now. But, think about it over winter break. When we get back you can find a new roommate or we can pretend I never said a word or…well…it’s up to you, Jeff. If you want me, I’m yours.”

******

Jeff awoke with a start and a snort. He moaned loudly feeling his head pounding. He raised both hands to press his palms against his temples.

It was then that he noticed his music was silent and that the room was dark. His mother must have come into the room before she went to bed. He glanced at his alarm clock – moaning with the pain that pierced his eyeballs – and saw that it was 2:00 in the morning. He also saw from the faint light the digital numbers cast that the half-empty bottle of whisky was missing.

He didn’t move hoping he would just fall back to sleep, but the hammering in his head would not stop. He stood, staggering, and went down the hall to the bathroom. After taking a long leak, he scrounged in the medicine cabinet. After downing three pain pills, he staggered back to his bedroom and flopped into the easy chair next to his window.

It was open and a cool breeze was blowing making his curtains rustle. It was times like this that he felt sorry for anyone who didn’t live in Florida during the winter. He sat with his eyes closed, breathing the fresh air. It was doing wonders for his headache and the slight churning in his stomach.

His eyes popped open when he heard the low moan. It was so low he thought he had imagined it at first, but then he heard it again right outside his window. He leaned forward slowly, not wanting to catch anyone’s attention if someone were prowling around outside.

He barely stifled a gasp when he realized what he was hearing. The neighbor’s bedroom window was right across from his – houses in southeast Florida were almost always built quite close together – and the light was on.

Jeff’s eyes widened, wondering if the world was conspiring against him. He had lived next door to Mr. Sanders ever since Jeff and his family had moved there 15 years ago. His bedroom had been across from Sander’s for those 15 years and never had he caught Mr. Sanders in bed with someone.

And Jeff had never known that Sanders was gay.

Sanders, a man who was in his mid-fifties and still in great shape, had his lips wrapped around the stiff cock of a young man that Jeff had never seen before. The man looked to be around 30 years old, was blonde and quite muscular. His fingers were tangled in Mr. Sander’s iron gray hair, tugging as Sanders eagerly bobbed on the man’s rather impressive dick.

“Yeah,” the young man said in a low rasp. “Yeah, man, suck it deep. Uh, yeah, like that.”

Jeff knew he should stop watching. Knew he should just go back to bed, pull the blankets over his head and go to sleep, but he just couldn’t. Deep in his heart he knew he was considering Franklin’s proposition seriously – if he weren’t, why would he feel so confused? – and this was a beautiful opportunity to see if this kind of thing turned him on or made him sick.

The blonde man suddenly let out a guttural, “Aaaah,” and seemed to wilt, letting his hands fall from Sanders’ head to the mattress. Sanders continued to suck, but it was obvious to Jeff that the blonde man had come.

Sanders, who was still completely dressed, pulled off of the man’s dick and sat up on his knees. The blonde opened his eyes and grinned dreamily. Sanders grinned back and began undoing his belt buckle. The man just watched until Sanders pushed his jeans and boxers down, exposing his hard cock.

The blonde reached forward and grasped Sanders at the base. Sanders closed his eyes and sighed as the man began stroking him.

“God, I love your cock. Want me to suck it?”

“Maybe later. Right now, I want to fuck you.”

“You’re the only man I’ve dated who wants ass more than mouth.”

“I’m not your ordinary man,” Sanders grinned.

Jeff blushed a little, feeling even worse for spying. This wasn’t just sex between these two men. It was a relationship. But still, he didn’t move.

Sanders stood and finished undressing until he was as naked as the blonde. He moved on top of his lover and for a long moment, they kissed deeply, clutching each other tight. Jeff looked down and saw that they were pressing their cocks together, slowly grinding against each other.

Jeff had been hard for a while now and was glad to see that he wasn’t ashamed or embarrassed by this. He reached down and fished his cock out of his boxers and began stroking himself.

Sanders broke his kiss with the blonde and reached over to his bedside table. He pulled out some lube and sat up on his haunches. The blonde watched as Sanders coated his own cock with the jelly. When Sanders threw the tube aside, the man reached down and grasped himself behind the knees, spreading his legs wide. Sanders’ grin became lecherous and he moved in.

The blonde hooked his legs over Sanders’ shoulders and closed his eyes as the cock pressed against his ass. Jeff found that he was holding his breath, his fist tight around his cock, not stroking. Sanders pushed inside his lover slowly, gasping and moaning softly. He stopped when he was halfway inside and pulled back, then back inside.

Jeff began breathing again, and stroking, when Sanders began pumping, slow at first. Jeff’s hand followed the same rhythm and tempo that Sanders was using. Sanders’ lover was moaning and Jeff had no doubt that the young man was thoroughly enjoying getting fucked.

Jeff stopped stroking himself long enough to discard his shorts completely. His hand quickly moved back to his shaft, but his second hand moved down to cup his balls. He deftly stroked his own perineum, causing himself to gasp slightly.

He felt his heart racing when he pressed one of his fingers into his anus. He slowly began moving back and forth, moving his finger in further with each thrust. He closed his eyes and sat back as he stroked his cock and his asshole, finding it hard to breathe.

He came quickly, for him, and it was almost torture not to cry out. He felt his anus clutching at his finger. He felt his hot cum splatter on his stomach – something he normally didn’t do when jacking off. He preferred to come into a cloth or tissue.

He relaxed, not withdrawing his finger, breathing heavily. He could hear the blonde across the way beginning to cry out as Sanders began to really pound his ass.

“I wonder what it would feel like to have Franklin’s come on my stomach.”

Jeff’s eyes flew wide at his own thoughts and his quickly jerked his finger out of his anus. He sucked in harshly at the slight pain but it went unnoticed by his live porn actors in the next house.

Jeff reached down and grabbed his shorts and cleaned himself up. After a quick, silent trip to the bathroom, he returned to bed. He glanced across the way before sleeping but found that he could see nothing when he was lying in bed – it was a bad angle. However, he could hear the lovers murmuring and even heard an occasional laugh.

Jeff fell asleep just as he heard the bed springs beginning to squeak softly.

*****

It was the day before Jeff was to go back to school and he was as nervous as a cat. His mother seemed concerned but his father just told her not to coddle him. He needed to get over Rosaline and the sooner the better.

Jeff just glared at his father, knowing that if he told his father what was really upsetting him it might kill the old man. He had never thought about what hell homosexuals must go through when coming out to their parents but now, he began to sympathize.

He didn’t want to talk to his father about this – he didn’t talk to his father about anything and never had – but he wanted to talk to someone. He considered his mother, but knew she would tell her husband. She wasn’t much for keeping secrets and Jeff knew it was unfair to ask her to keep such a big one from her husband.

Jeff avoided his parents that day and found himself wandering the backyard, staring aimlessly at the ground, pacing.

“If I didn’t know better, I’d say that there’s something on your mind, King.”

Jeff looked up. Mr. Sanders was talking to him over their mutual fence. He had a rake in his hand and Jeff knew he must have been working in his flower garden. Jeff saw the young blonde man behind Mr. Sanders, sweeping the small patio.

“Yeah. Poor thing never gets a break,” Jeff said, attempting to give Sanders a natural grin.

“Heard about you and Rosaline,” Sanders said. “I’m sorry to hear about that. You can’t let it get you down, though. She-“

“That’s really not what’s bothering me, Mr. Sanders,” Jeff said. “Not anymore, anyway.”

“Call me Caleb, Jeff. You’re not a kid anymore.”

“No. Wish I were sometimes.”

“Don’t we all. I’m glad to hear you’re doing better about Rosaline, but, what’s eating you now?”

“Could be my roommate.”

Jeff stopped suddenly, realizing what he had said, too late. Sanders snickered, but tried to hide it with a cough. Jeff saw the blonde man’s head look up slowly.

“Uh, I mean, trouble with my roommate back at school. Things aren’t…normal.”

Sanders gestured for Jeff to come closer by nodding his head. Jeff obeyed and leaned in when Sanders whispered, “Is he coming on to you?”

“Well, no, not really. He just…he just told me he’s attracted to me.”

Sanders was quiet for a long moment then finally said, “And are you attracted to him?” Jeff was silent and could feel his face screwing up with the confusion that was buzzing in his brain.

“Aw Jesus, I know that look.” Jeff looked back at the blonde man who was looking at him with a sympathetic look in his eyes.

“This is Eric,” Sanders said, gesturing towards the blonde. “He’s my lover. Has been for a few months now. Doubt your father told you.”

“No, he didn’t,” Jeff said.

“I just ‘came out’ a couple of weeks after you left for school this year. I didn’t make an announcement or anything, but I did bring Eric home. Your father hasn’t spoken a word to me since.”

“I’m sorry about that Mr.-“ Jeff saw the stern look. “Um, Caleb.”

“He wasn’t the first,” Sanders said, sighing slightly, “but it rather pissed me off. I’ve been gay ever since I moved here and I’m the same man that went bowling with your father every other week. But now, because I won’t hide what I am anymore, I’m disgusting to your father.”

“Don’t feel bad,” Jeff said, giving Sanders a lop-sided grin. “He finds me disgusting and he assumes that I’m completely straight.”

All three men laughed softly at this, but Sanders became serious again. “Look, Jeff, I’m not going to lie and tell you that coming out is easy or great or fun, but hiding what you are is demeaning and detrimental to your soul. I’m not pushing you into your roommate’s arms, but don’t say no because you’re afraid of what your father or friends might think.”

Jeff blinked. “You know, I haven’t even thought about that. I’ve never been overly concerned about that sort of thing. I’m just confused because until a month ago, I thought I was a straight arrow. Loved women and never thought of men sexually. But now, because of one confession from a friend, I’m finding myself reading gay porn online, fantasizing about giving head and wanting to bed my best friend.”

His last speech had come out of him in a rush and Jeff felt clearer in the head for having said it. Sanders and Eric were smiling at him, as if knowing exactly how he felt.

“When did you realize you were gay?” Jeff asked, looking at both men.

“Fifteen,” Eric said.

“I was 30,” Sanders said and smiled at Jeff’s surprised look. “It’s the reason I moved here. My wife and I had just divorced and I was starting over.” Jeff thought about it and realized he never had seen Mr. Sanders with a woman in all the time he was their neighbor.

“And you’re not necessarily gay,” Eric said. “You could just be curious or you could actually be bi-sexual.”

“I do still find women attractive.”

“Best of both worlds, eh?” Sanders grinned. “Ah, to be 18 again and so open-minded.” Jeff couldn’t help but grin.

“Do you have any advice for me?” Jeff asked.

“If you’re curious, this might be the perfect opportunity for you, Jeff,” Mr. Sanders replied. “After college you can go anywhere you want. Experiment now and find out what it is you want in life. If you find that it’s not what you want, no big deal. At least you won’t go through life thinking, ‘what if?’ Trust me. That can lead to cheating on your spouse even though you try with all your might not to.”

“Thanks, Mr. Sanders. That helps a lot.”

“I’m glad, Jeff,” Sanders said. “But please, call me Caleb. But you probably shouldn’t around your father. He might think…”

“I don’t really give a damn,” Jeff grinned and Sanders gave him a wide smile.

*****

When Jeff pulled into the dorm parking lot, he looked up and saw that his and Franklin’s window was alight. Franklin was already back.

He grabbed his one suitcase and began up the stairs, feeling butterflies in his stomach. He knew what he was going to say, going to do, but he wasn’t sure of what Franklin was going to do. What if he didn’t feel the same way he had when he left for vaction? What if he hadn’t been serious in the first place? It wasn’t like Franklin to joke about something like that, but paranoia was buzzing in Jeff’s brain and would not stop.

He opened his dorm room door and found Franklin sitting on his bed, his unpacked suitcase on the floor. Franklin was looking down at the floor, looking just as frightened as Jeff felt.

“Hey man, how was vacation?”

Franklin looked up quickly. After a moment, he smiled. Jeff knew that he had been waiting, expecting the worst.

“It was good. A bit too long, but good.”

“Same here,” Jeff said, putting his suitcase on his bed. “My dad seems to get worse every time I see him.”

“Sorry to hear that.”

“No big deal.”

“So. I – I guess I should start unpacking then?”

“You live here, don’t you?” Jeff said, smiling at him.

“I suppose that’s up to you,” Franklin said. Jeff turned to look at him and saw that his face was bright red.

“No, it’s not up to me. It’s up to us. I want you to stay. So, it’s really up to you.”

“You remember what I said before I left, right? You’re not ignoring that?”

“No, I’m not ignoring it. And I’m not pretending you didn’t say it, either,” he said pointedly.

Franklin gave him a curt nod but didn’t smile. If anything, he appeared even more nervous. Jeff continued to unpack and began getting nervous himself, realizing it was he who was going to have to make the first move here.

After unpacking, Jeff suggested they watch a movie as they normally did when they didn’t have homework or any activities scheduled. And, as usual, they both sat on Franklin’s bed as the TV was on Jeff’s desk where the cable hook up had been installed.

Jeff felt a little strange sitting next to Franklin like this, knowing that although this was exactly what they always did, it was different now. As the movie progressed, he saw Franklin glancing at him occasionally and knew he was waiting for something – anything – from Jeff.

Finally, Jeff did something. He grasped Franklin’s hand and intertwined their fingers. Franklin sighed and Jeff felt the tension evaporate from his friend’s body. In fact, Franklin leaned against Jeff.

“Franklin?” Jeff said softly.

“Yeah,” he said, looking at him.

Butterflies in his stomach again, Jeff hesitated for only a second before pressing his mouth against Franklin’s. Franklin didn’t even flinch, but immediately parted his lips, turning his body toward Jeff’s.

“Mmph,” Jeff murmured, feeling Franklin’s tongue wrapping around his own. He could also feel Franklin pulling his hand out of his to move his arms around him. Jeff moved closer, pressing himself as close as he could to Franklin.

“Did you lock the door?” Franklin rasped, breaking their kiss.

“Yes.”

Franklin kissed him again, pushing him down. Jeff lie beneath his roommate, clutching him close to him as they continued to kiss deeply, the passion growing.

Jeff grunted then moaned when he felt Franklin’s hand move between his legs. Jeff parted them and Franklin clutched at him aggressively. Jeff realized that Franklin’s shyness was completely gone and it was him that was following Franklin’s lead now.

Franklin left Jeff’s mouth and moved to his neck, kissing and licking all the while rubbing the hardening bulge between Jeff’s legs.

“You feel really big,” Franklin whispered.

“H-have you done this before?” Jeff whispered, a little breathless.

“No, but it’s feeling very natural to me.”

“Me too. Are we going to fuck tonight?”

“Don’t know. Let’s find out.”

“Take your shirt off.”

Franklin sat up on his knees and began unbuttoning his shirt. Jeff reached down and pulled his t-shirt over his head. He smiled seeing Franklin’s appreciative looks. Jeff was no jock but he prided himself on keeping in shape and knew his physique, though lean, was quite attractive.

Jeff reached down and unbuttoned his pants then lowered the zipper. He had purposely gone without his shorts and he heard Franklin gasp when his cock slid out between the zippers.

“You are big,” Franklin said, then pulled his shirt open.

“Wow, so are you,” Jeff said bluntly, quite surprised. He had expected a slight build on Franklin but it was clear that he also took care of himself.

“I swim every day, remember,” he grinned, reaching down to undo his own pants.

“Take ‘em off,” Jeff ordered.

“Only if you do,” he countered.

Franklin stood and pulled off his jeans and shorts after removing his shoes and socks. Jeff did the same and his head swam when he realized he and his roommate, his best friend, were naked and hard and about to pop each other’s cherries.

Franklin lie atop of Jeff again and Jeff moaned feeling his skin against Franklin’s. He did love having breasts crushed against him, but the flatness of a man’s chest against him was just as thrilling and he let Franklin know this by the passion in his kiss.

They broke their kiss and stared at each other, breathing through parted lips. They thrust their hips slightly, rubbing their swollen cocks against each other as Jeff had seen Sanders do with Eric weeks before.

“This is…very nice,” Franklin said, nearly panting.

“Yeah,” Jeff agreed.

“I want to suck your cock,” he said in a rush, and Jeff saw color in his cheeks.

“Then do it.”

“I want you to suck my cock,” he said in his normal tone.

“I will. I want to.”

“I’ll go first,” he said, smiling widely. Jeff could see the fire in his eyes and found he couldn’t wait to feel Franklin’s mouth on him.

Franklin removed himself from Jeff and knelt on the floor. Jeff lay still and watched as Franklin brought his face close to his cock.

“Uh!” Jeff cried softly when Franklin’s hand grasped him. He slowly stroked him. Jeff could see that Franklin was looking at him closely, learning every ridge, every vein. Jeff gasped harshly when Franklin’s tongue cradled his cock head and began swirling around it. Still stroking, Franklin moved his lips down Jeff’s length. He stopped stroking only to allow his lips further down. Jeff watched as Franklin continued down until he was completely in his mouth and just a bit down his throat.

“Jesus, Franklin, you’re going to make me come and I’d like to enjoy this for a least a minute or two.”

Franklin pulled back, laughing and blushing slightly. “Sorry. I’ve just been waiting so long for this. I’m over-excited.”

“So am I, which is why I want you to go slow for a while.”

Franklin began again, slower this time, moving his lips and tongue on Jeff. Jeff watched him, never taking his eyes off of his face. He watched his cock appear and disappear again into Franklin’s eager mouth, felt his tongue moving over him.

Franklin did his best to control his passion but eventually he was soon bobbing on Jeff at a very fast tempo. Jeff was moaning and crying out, his fingers buried in Franklin’s hair, clutching his head tightly. He was also trying to remain relatively quiet so as not to alert their dorm mates to what was going on in room 215.

When Jeff came, he couldn’t help the sharp, “Ah!” that escaped his throat. His hands remained in Franklin’s short, dark hair and he kept them there as he collapsed back, feeling quite dizzy. His heart was thudding in his ears and the pleasure was still coursing through him. Franklin was still sucking apparently eager for each drop, and Jeff couldn’t help the shivers wracking his body.

His mind drifted to what he saw through his bedroom window during his winter vacation and remembered when he masturbated while fingering himself. He opened his eyes and looked down at Franklin who was now kissing his stomach lovingly.

“Franklin.” He looked up. “I know I promised you a blow job, but I’ve changed my mind.” Jeff saw the disappointment cover Franklin’s face. Jeff smiled and said, “I want you to take me.”

“What – do you mean?” Franklin asked slowly.

“I want you inside of me.”

“Jesus, Jeff, are we ready for that?”

“If you don’t want to, that’s fine, but if you do, I want to.”

“I – I do want to. I just…”

“What?”

“I honestly thought you’d take me first.”

“Well, that’s not how it’s going to work out. Come on, I want you.”

*****

Hours later, Jeff lay in Franklin’s arms, back to stomach. They were sharing the same tiny bed but were more than comfortable. Franklin was asleep, breathing deeply against his neck, but Jeff couldn’t sleep.

His ass was a bit sore, but he had never felt more fulfilled after sex than he did that night. Minutes after asking him, Franklin had pushed Jeff’s legs up and taken him. It had hurt worse than Jeff expected but Franklin had moved slowly and it didn’t take too long for Jeff to relax and enjoy being made love to.

Franklin had moved slowly trying not to hurt Jeff. Despite his slow tempo, he had come quickly, having wanted this with Jeff like this for months. When he pulled out of Jeff, he looked down and saw that Jeff was already hard again and Franklin begged him to take him.

Franklin had lie on his stomach instead of facing Jeff. After lubing up, Jeff had pressed into Franklin carefully but Franklin had moaned from pleasure from the first thrust. As Jeff thrust, he grasped Franklin’s cock and stroked in time with his thrusts. He was hard in moments and when he filled Franklin’s ass with him come, Franklin had come as well.

It was afterwards that Franklin confessed he had been practicing with a butt plug he had bought over winter break in hopes that Jeff would want him when they returned to school.

“Can you still not sleep?” Franklin asked, causing Jeff to jump a bit and break him out of his reverie.

“Still too excited,” Jeff said.

“That’s a good thing, right?” Franklin said, sounding a bit unsure of himself..

“God yes,” Jeff said, embarrassed to hear himself sigh.

Franklin kissed his ear and Jeff moaned slightly, feeling his tongue probing. “Want to play some more?”

Jeff only nodded. He could feel Franklin’s cock stiffening against his butt cheek and in minutes it was up his ass once again. Jeff gasped as he was fucked for the third time that night and began to wonder if he and Franklin were ever going to be able to leave this room.

When dawn was breaking, the sun filled their room to find Jeff fucking Franklin once again. Afterwards they both fell into a deep sleep and missed their first day of class.